People are excited to find out your gender! Many ask, “do I have any mother’s intuition on your gender?” I do not. Aside from being a little more nauseous, I feel the same as I did when I was pregnant with your four brothers. I have my mind set on the fact you are a boy, because that is all I know. That is all I think I am meant to know.
I am excited to find out your gender, but as I lay here the night before “the big day,” I am anxious. I have never wanted or desired one gender over the other. This time it is different. I am not comfortable with this feeling. I know how much your dad would love a daughter and how honored I would feel to give him that blessing, even though biologically he is the deciding factor. Then there are family and friends who, I know, want you to be a girl. What if you are a boy? Will everyone still be excited? I fear people’s reaction to hearing you are a boy. I am scared people will not be as excited and that makes me feel terribly sad. But do not worry, Baby, I will be excited. I know I will because as I lay here, I am so anxious I will be told you have a health issue. Tomorrow I will be focused on your well-being Baby, not your gender. I cannot feel your kicks yet, so I have no reassurance you are growing. Is your heart still beating? Two healthy kids that is common. When I had your brother, Griffin, my third child, I felt it was a gamble. He is perfect. Then I felt selfish going for a fourth child. Your brother, Lincoln, gave me a little scare–enough to see how precious a healthy pregnancy and baby are. I have won the lottery with your brothers.
You are already loved dearly and whatever tomorrow brings, your dad and I will stand together for you. I am nervous, because why am I deserving of winning the jackpot and having another healthy baby? You are a blessing, no matter what gender you are. I must let go of anxiety and know God has this in His hands. He has a plan for you!
Today as the ultrasound technician said, “Are you ready to find out?” I was hesitant. I was told your heart looks perfect, your kidneys look great, and your bladder, too. You are healthy, that is a blessing! That was all I ever wanted to hear. “Yep, we are ready,” Hotness announces. “Well, it is a new day in your house . . . it is a girl!” exclaimed the ultrasound technician. I saw Hotness face, the pure joy, the tears in his eyes. I began to cry as Hotness came over and gave me a kiss. The moment felt so surreal, it was a moment I have never experienced. As I spread the news with family and friends, I am in shock and in awe that I have a daughter. I thought I was destined to be a boymom. However, now I realize I am still a boymom, with just a bit of little girlmom on the side.
Of course, I wanted to take a cute photo of my boys to announce the exciting news! It was a pain in my ass to try and get the boys to pose. They were fighting with each other, hitting each other with the foam black board, complaining of being cold without their shirts on, and to top things off my camera started being troublesome. I asked for patience from the boys as I fiddled with my camera and that request ended my whole vision of the photo. I had lost their attention. Perhaps that is what needed to happen. The more I let go of what I wanted in a photo, the more I saw how all their personalities were portrayed in the photos I had captured. This picture is perfect!